What To Do When Helping, Becomes Hurting...
Mobility
"Sometimes silence is the best advice."
You round this rarely traveled detour of a corner on a brisk winter morn to be greeted by a haggard man falling violently to the pavement not six feet from you. Your natural reaction is to rush over and give assistance. To support this man as he re-gains his composure ensuring everything is as it should be, and he is un-injured. The man across the street sitting quietly in one of the local coffee shops watches yet again as this scenario unfolds. The scenario today, as it is everyday to our coffee connoisseur-drunks drink. Drunks fall. Hero's come and go to pick drunks up. Drunks drink. Addicts are addicted. Hero's help. But who is really helping? The individual with their hand out ready to support, or the individual letting them lay there like a squirming turlte toppled over...sink or swim.
Its irrelevant why I must use alcoholics in various stories, and examples. Maybe I'm un-imaginative. Maybe its the simplest one for most subscribers to come to terms with, hell most of us have had one to many drinks, but if we had one too many lines of heroin we wouldn't be reading this would we. Maybe its just what I know best cause Daddy was a drunk. Either way the example is merely that, an example. Remove alcoholic and place it whatever form of negative self-serving addiction you want. Coke, sex, food, shopping. They all work.
Our biggest epidemic striking America and its youth today isn't too much food, or HFCS, or poor education...its simply tolerance. Just because bad is shit is there doesn't mean we gotta do it. And it definitely means we shouldn't tolerate it when others do.
Blame Superman comics and cartoons. Maybe it was watching one to many episodes of the red caped boy scout swoop down and rescue every weak human that couldn't think for themselves inevitably making us more susceptible to falling over and over again. Superman was no hero. In this light Superman was the biggest villain there was. Instead of changing us, he tolerated our behavior, masqueraded as a weak human, then picked us up every-time we fell. Superman could very well be the secret weapon of every nation against America. A so-called hero to makes sure we never stood up, ensuring we were as weak as could be during the true attack. Many of us grew up watching and reading just that, an alien fallen to earth to help us when everything got to tough. Far different from roles models all over the world.
We tolerate our friends lines of BS to avoid conflict, and to refrain from having the other end of that interrogation light back on us. We wait cautiously for others to fall so we can help re-build...not because it will fix them...and most of the time we secretly know this. But because it makes us feel better to give what we perceive as help. Since we are not strong enough to be the hero, and leave the addict on the pavement where they belong, we take on the rolls of supporter, pick them up only to watch them fall again. Ahh, but who cares, at least you did your good deed...right hero?
Looking at each addiction as the sickness it truly is means willing to apply the necessary action to fix it, and a simple trip through any AA meeting will show, that almost all recovering addicts never try to get better until their all to heroic supportive family becomes the most heroic they could be....by just walking away.
Your fat and dying because that is the seventeenth doughnut you have stuffed into you face this morning. No, 17 is not better than the 25 you had yesterday. That demeans us both-me for allowing such justification, and you for dragging me into your shit stream of half-ass tries. The road to salvation is not a little less alcohol. Drunks don't start by getting a little less drunk, nor should food addicts. I'm sure your wife would be super tolerant if you scrogged only one office secretary this week as opposed to the normal 3-5...tolerant huh.
If you have missed my point by now in all this rather graphic illustration don't bother reading it again. I wanted a broader system of examples of just what our supposed hand holding, addict applauding, testimonial ridden society has produced all under the mask of tolerance. I think a step by step process on how to be more, heroic by being less tolerant would simply lose its zest. Suffice to say the previous depictions were just meant to be surmised by this-tolerance paralyzes good intentions. Heros simply fight tolerance, and walk away when others lend a hand.
Strength:
Overhead Squat
3,3,3,3,3
For Score:
3-Power Cleans 135/205
6-Handstand Push-ups
AMRAP 8 Minutes
Post weight moved and rounds to comments.
The post is a very good read tonight. Hits home with something that I'm fighting.
If I had all my expenses paid for a while, I would love to hibernate and tend to some much needed healing.
There is alot that is heavy on my heart tonight. Each and all of you are in my prayers tonight.
Praying for a faith that transcends all imaginable limits!!!
And an unrestrained committment of ourselves to that faith, hoping that it is in the living God!
Posted by: chas | March 21, 2011 at 09:27 PM
115#/28m
Posted by: holly | March 22, 2011 at 07:53 AM
i forget everything except that i did 60 lb power cleans!!! started off with only 55 lbs and somehow josh put on 5 lbs extra on my bar, without me knowing.....he's a sneaky little shit :)
Posted by: Angela (Vicki's cheerleader) | March 22, 2011 at 10:24 AM
Angela....I think you underestimate the sneakiness
Holly..should been 145..
Posted by: jb | March 22, 2011 at 10:48 AM
I VERY much love this post!! I am extremely guilty of trying to be the hero:( Altho I am greatly improving these days--I still have a lot to work on & sometime just need to walk away & "let the drunk lay there"!! This applies to several situations in my life actually & I am currently "standing over the drunk just looking @ him, but am ready to turn & just walk the other direction." So Chas--I am very much feeling the same as you...Thank you for your prayers! You're in mine as well!!!
Posted by: Lori | March 22, 2011 at 10:55 AM
85#PR
48 reps M (95-105# PC/hspu on ab mat)
Posted by: jen w | March 22, 2011 at 11:14 AM
Stretching/Warm ups was excruciating to my legs this morning.
Forget my numbers but its on the white board.
I started off with 75pds on power cleans until Bad Ass Kara put more on during the wod then I was up to 85....and I PR Power Cleanse 105 BABY!!!! That is on the White Board too!
(M) HSPU but finally got the kipping!!
Overall good WOD for me and to think I was going to skip because I can't sit, stand, squat or walk:)
Way to go Jen, Holly and Angela!!!!!
Posted by: Renee | March 22, 2011 at 11:43 AM
Renee - you forgot your big apology to the crossfit community, ha ha...!
Posted by: jen w | March 22, 2011 at 12:17 PM
I love the idea of this post but i do urge those who feel as if they are helping someone and making them become dependent on you just to go back to the way they were 10 min later, to carefully examine how you are helping that person. For instance, if I see a drunk guy fall down and take the approach that he is getting what he deserves then I am a pitiful human being. Now if I try to help him and it doesnt work thats fine at least I tried, and I will try again, until I can give them the help they need. If we can and are able to we should help, period. Make sure you are not helping someone in the way you think they need help but in the way they actually need it. It can be two completely different things. And sometimes helping someone is letting them get back up on their own, but they dont have to do it on their own. God has helped me and picked me back up far more times then I deserve and I keep falling back down, I am glad he hasnt given up on me.
Posted by: RY | March 22, 2011 at 12:51 PM
well said Ryan...thanks for posting
Posted by: Terra | March 22, 2011 at 01:18 PM
I must thank 9a for plain makin my day.
Renee...you bustin out a 30#PR in less than 2mins made me wanna flap my arms. Yeah...there were a few forms corrections required but most a' the miss was in your head. Shame. Shame. Just awesome.
Jen W...youre no better. Ive never heard ANYone say "I really can't" more than me....until you showed up! You're pulling weight now that took me months and months of form correction and psych-out mgmt to pull. And great job on your hspus today.
Matt...it's so obvious the energy you're putting in (at pcf and after) to work on that squat form. I see your frustration. Dont let it distract you from the progress youre makin.
KT...you and I are gonna get the 135 damnit!
As for the post...
Ry...your point, "Make sure you are not helping someone in the way you think they need help but in the way they actually need it." is spot on, but sometimes this means removing "YOU" from the person's repair effort all together. I tend to pride myself on bein fairly direct w people in areas such as this...but have certainly had my moments of despicable weakness where I know I've further enabled or, worse yet, retarded a person's (particularly w my siblings) emotional/mental/spiritual development because of my own selfish need to cushion the blow of a much needed fall on the ass.
Again, thank you 9am!
Posted by: k | March 22, 2011 at 01:57 PM
So, after the big blurb about lost and found, I left my nice sweaty wko clothes rolled up on the lost and found table with my NB tennis shoes...nice, huh?!!?! Sorry about that...I am sure hoping they did not go to Goodwill!!!!! I will get them tomorrow at 4:30 class.
Posted by: Mindy | March 22, 2011 at 02:13 PM
135 OHS x3
50 reps
Posted by: Min | March 22, 2011 at 06:54 PM
35 OHS x3
54 reps m@75# & push ups
Posted by: HeatherT | March 22, 2011 at 08:04 PM
95# OHS X 3 PR
43 (m) 105# PC
Posted by: Mo | March 22, 2011 at 08:05 PM
75 ohs for3 5 rds M
Posted by: keena | March 22, 2011 at 08:26 PM
185 OHS X 3 (I think I wrote up 165)
27 reps M @ 185 (got 2 reps @ 205 and that was it!)
Posted by: NP | March 22, 2011 at 08:52 PM
185x3
73reps
Posted by: jb | March 22, 2011 at 08:55 PM
165 OHS.. not 185.
Posted by: NP | March 23, 2011 at 07:24 AM
105 OHS
32m reps (m=125# power cleans and work on hspu)
Posted by: kara MIKOLAJEWSKI | March 23, 2011 at 09:07 AM
115 -OHS
18 reps ... ouchy on power cleans.
Posted by: tyler w | March 23, 2011 at 12:51 PM